The Road to Sihanoukville

Back in 2002, on my first trip to Cambodia, I hired a cab to take me from Phnom Penh to Sihanoukville. At the time, only the more adventurous backpackers made the long drive down Highway 4, so naturally, it was at the top of my list.

A Suspicious Detour

At some point, the driver started saying in broken English that we needed to take a side road because there was a “problem” with the highway ahead. Now, I knew there were sometimes bandits on these back roads, so I wasn’t sure if this was some kind of setup.

The driver already had a bit of a shady vibe, but it wasn’t like I had a choice of chauffeurs, so I just threw chance to the wind and said, “Okay, man.” Off to the dirt roads we went.

When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

About 20 minutes later, I realized I had to pee. Since I didn’t have the vocabulary to say that, I made the universal hand gesture for it, the same one teenage boys use when joking about peeing on someone.

The driver pulled over, pointed at a beautiful field, and said, “Min, No!”

I was like, “Yeah, man, I know it’s beautiful, but my bladder is going to explode,” and walked a few feet into the grass. He leaned back in the car to have a smoke, completely unfazed.

A Shouting Driver and a Clueless Tourist

There was a small roadside bungalow across from us, where a few people were napping in hammocks. Not wanting to put on a show for them, I stepped further into the grass to handle my business.

Halfway through, I heard my driver screaming, “MIN! MIN!” while waving his arms and jumping up and down like a maniac.

I figured it had something to do with where I was peeing, maybe private property, maybe snakes, maybe just some weird cultural thing about public urination. But I had leather boots on, and there was no way I was cutting it off mid-stream, so I kept going, thinking he was just being dramatic.

The Horrifying Truth Hits Me

When I finally zipped up and walked back to the car, the driver was in full meltdown mode, sweating, bug-eyed, and yelling at me in Khmer. I had no idea what he was saying, but then he made a walking gesture with his fingers, followed by an explosion sound.

Yeah. Turns out “Min” means “landmine” in Khmer.

I was wandering around in a minefield like a clueless idiot straight off the bus.

Lessons From a Near-Death Bathroom Break

The danger of things like bandits and landmines was literally the reason why I wanted to go there in the first place. That, and I must have watched The Year of Living Dangerously about a hundred times.

But after that moment, I started making sure to learn at least a few key words and phrases before traveling anywhere even remotely dangerous.

The Struggle of Learning Languages When You Can Barely Read

Back then, I could barely read, so phrasebooks weren’t much help. Schools just handed me a diploma to move me along, and dyslexia wasn’t something anyone really tried to help with.

Years later, I overcame it, but at the time, I had to rely on hand gestures, instinct, and sometimes, dumb luck. If I’d had an app like Google Translate (or been able to read a phrasebook), that near-death bathroom break might have been avoided.

Words You Should Learn Before Traveling Anywhere Dangerous

That experience taught me one of the most important travel lessons of my life: know the right words. You don’t need to be fluent, but if you’re going somewhere with a few, let’s say, safety concerns, it’s smart to commit these to memory:

IMMEDIATE DANGER WORDS:

• Dangerous

• Robbed

• Stop

• No

• Stupid

• Shoot (or whatever slang means getting shot there)

• Whatever the most popular curse word is (if you hear this yelled at you, pay attention)

If you ever hear any combination of these words in one sentence, stop whatever you’re doing and reconsider your choices.

EMERGENCY WORDS:

• Hospital

• Emergency

• Police

• Help

• Oh my god, I am having a heart attack!

And yeah, if you’re going to a country where landmines or unexploded ordnance are a real thing, it’s probably worth learning the word for “landmine.”

It takes less than a minute a day to practice a few key words, and it could literally save your life. Or, at the very least, prevent you from nearly giving your guide a heart attack on the side of the road.

The Hardest Travel Lessons Stick With You

It’s easy to brush off safety warnings when the danger is something you’ve only seen in a movie. But some words are worth committing to memory, especially when not learning them means you might end up getting an upgrade on your flight home from coach to heaven.

Lesson learned. One of thousands I’ve picked up over the years.